You Probably Won't Be Surprised How It Ends
Fanfic Information
Author JVM
Genre Suspense/Humor
Rating T
Written Dec 26, 2013
No. of Chapters 2
Status Incomplete
Link You Probably Won't Be Surprised How It Ends
Fic Chronology
A Marsh Family Thanksgiving You Probably Won't Be Surprised How It Ends

You Probably Won't Be Surprised How It Ends (also known as You Won't Believe How It Ends) is a fanfiction written and published on FanFiction.Net by JVM. It parodies the Saw film franchise.

It is the third rewrite of his fic "You Won't Believe How It Ends", cutting away a number of unpopular plot threads from the previous versions in favor of a more humorous and streamlined storyline.


"If you're supposed to be reading this, you already know what it's about." (FFN summary)

In a continuation of previous "South Park Unleashed" stories, a hostage situation emerges involving Kenny, Wendy, Stan's mother, Butters' father and a local boy. Eric Cartman, Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski and Inspector Butters are taken in by the Park County Police Department, including Detective Yates, Officer Barbrady and Detective Murphey, to investigate the case.


Chapter OneEdit

As his suspension from school ends, Kyle Broflovski wakes up and joins his family for an early breakfast where they talk about his returning to school. At the bus stop, Eric Cartman insists Kyle has 'jew privilege' while Kyle claims he doesn't want to argue today. Cartman jokingly dares Kyle to call the cops when Officer Barbrady appears and threatens to take them down to the station because the police need the boys' help. At the Park County Police Department, Sgt. Harrison "Harris" Yates is being yelled at by Mayor McDaniels, who is up for re-election, who insists she needs the Jigsaw Killer's 'head on her desk'. He welcomes the boys out of retirement and offers to pay them just as Morgan Freeman steps in and narrates the storyline:

"For the last few months, an elusive killer has been kidnapping town residents who feel like they don't want to live and putting them through a series of grueling tests in which they may either live or die. The previous victims all made it back out alive, but now the killer has gone a step further, and taken five hostages in an unknown location. Nobody knows the killer's true identity, or if he has any accomplices. The Mayor, who is up for re-election next month, has ordered all of Park County's officers and detectives to solve the case, and they have summoned their greatest detectives to help them crack the identity of the Jigsaw Killer."

Cartman begins playing up his 'psychic abilities' to gain favor with the cops when Det. Harris reveals that they have put someone else in charge of the operation: Inspector Butters.

Elsewhere, Wendy Testaburger, Kenny McCormick, Sharon Marsh, Stephen Stotch and Alex Samuels wake up in a largely featureless, dirty place, hoping to escape. They listen to a pre-recorded tape and Sharon mentions some details she gathered when her father-in-law was kidnapped previously and they contemplate ways to escape. Alex attempts to escape via a door and is quickly shot in the head and killed by an automatic weapon.

The detectives are signed off and asked to interview various former witnesses of Jigsaw-related crimes, including Stan's grandfather Marvin Marsh, Jimmy's mother Sarah Valmer, and shop teacher Mr. Richard Adler, while Sgt. Harris and Lt. Dawson sit back to drink cocoa and watch family programming. Cartman and Butters threaten him with violence and Adler eventually recounts the tape that played, explaining the Jigsaw Killer took him due to his suicidal tendencies after his wife's death, but notes he stopped quite a while ago. Cartman shrugs, unable to find a motive, despite Butters suggesting it's ungratefulness.

Chapter TwoEdit

Back at the Trap House, Stan, Wendy, Sharon and Kenny talk about the surrounding events that might've caused them to end up there, each sharing that they used to have unhappiness, suicidal tendencies, or related issues, all of which they recently ended, aside from Sharon, who points out to Stephen that his sexuality is no secret to the town. Kenny tries to give a speech about the issue and importance of life but it is largely ignored. A news report with Tom and Tammy Thompson then discusses the election, the death of Tom Pusslicker, while a Woman With a Very Suspicious Bulge in Her Pants discusses the case, interviewing Carol McCormick, who's selling T-shirts, and Jesus.

Officer Barbrady and Kyle, meanwhile, try to interrogate Sarah Valmer, who asks Kyle if he thinks she is pretty. Barbrady and Kyle discuss the plastic surgeries she has had and how long they can keep her given she's a middle-class white woman. She retells her story of being held hostage by the Jigsaw Killer, discovering the motive about ungratefulness. They consider the potential for a conspiracy that the idea didn't come up before, but chalk it up to Barbrady's uselessness. Cartman suggestes bringing back Coon and Friends but the idea is squashed by Stan. Harris then disperses the detectives to various separate activities.

Kyle and Butters begin by going through the papers on various South Park residents, where Butters gossips the various secrets he learns while going through the information, such as the age of Timmy's dad, Mrs. Biggle's background, and the 'mean guy' at the movie theater. Back at the Trap House, the group finds a lame trap involving bleach, and decide to ignore it and recount how they were taken to the Trap House, eventually discussing the rules of traditional Horror movies, declining to "talk about [their problems] amongst each other like rational adults with dramatic flair."

Stan and Det. Hopkins discover Cartman tampering with Evidence after alerting him that Officers Murphy and Adams brought back Taco Bell with enchoritos. Harris asks the African-American cop, Officer Knowles, to clean it up. They join the group eating Taco Bell, where the cops share the narrowed location possibilities, when Stan's relation to Sharon Marsh and Lorde comes up, impressing the officers much to his annoyance. Cartman and Kyle erupt into an argument over the lack of food saved for Kyle, with Cartman blaming 'Hennifer Lopez' for the missing food and insisting his destruction of evidence is irrelevant before finally leaving. Harris laments the loss of their psychic as Stan quietly passes Kyle some books on becoming psychic.

Cartman enters his home and parks on the couch to eat and watch television when his mother Liane Cartman quietly informs him she's going to be working. He chides her for leaving Family Guy on the television but she, Jimbo and Ned (from upstairs) point out that he is making excuses to be angry. He sighs and puts on Terrance and Phillip as she gots upstairs, shortly before the door opens and he is approached by a man claiming Cartman has stolen his identity, who finally identifies himself as Mitch Connor.


  • Alex Samuels is killed inside the Trap House when forcing open a door, shot by an automatic hidden weapon.
  • As with all South Park: Unleashed stories, Kenny is expected to die at some point and his deaths are referenced.
  • Tom Pusslicker, the former South Park News anchor from Seasons 1 - 10, is mentioned as having died previously.


  • The first chapter was tweaked mildly after season 18 aired to alter the introduction of Sgt. Harrison Yates, who was referred to as Detective Harris in new episodes. Here, "Harris" is a shortened form of his full name - Detective Harrison "Harris" Yates.
    • Various references are made to previous Harris-centric episodes, such as his dislike of black people and hatred for cock magic and prostitution. Notably, the reason Steve Black escapes being framed for crimes by the Police is revealed to be that he is Harris' lawyer.
    • An additional minor edit changed references to Millie to use the name Millie Larsen from South Park: The Stick of Truth.
  • The boys' identities as cops intentionally mirror/reference the episodes "Chickenlover" from Season 2, "Butters' Very Own Episode" in Season 5, "Lil Crime Stoppers" from Season 7, "Cartman's Incredible Gift" in Season 8, and "City Sushi" in Season 15.
  • The author went to great lengths to research the police officers in the series and the second chapter includes Officer Barbrady, Detective Harris, his partner Mitch Murphey, Lt. Dawson from Season 7's "Lil Crime Stoppers", and Officers Barkley, Peterson and Foley from various episodes, and includes and names the occasionally seen African-American cop as Curtis Knowles.
  • Kyle mentions his family's debt to the Apple company from "HUMANCENTiPAD" in Season 15.
  • The school Yardale, from the film, is mentioned as being commutable from South Park but only for "high achievers".
  • Timmy's Dad, Richard Burch, is mentioned to be a hippie, based on a wheelchair-bound hippie from "Die Hippie, Die" in Season 9.
  • Multiple references are made to Kyle's 'sexuality' based on season 16's "Cartman Finds Love".
  • From "Cash for Gold" in Season 16, Marvin Marsh still has Alzheimer's disease.
  • Stan still has the books he borrowed from John Edward in Season 6's "The Biggest Douche in the Universe" and gives them to Kyle.

Fanfic SeriesEdit

  • Some of the previous South Park Unleashed fanfics are currently offline and revised versions will be made available in the future according to the author.
  • Kyle's full name is once again given as Kyle Matthew Broflovski, in tribute to Matt Stone.
  • Stan Marsh and Wendy Testaburger remain broken up from "The Former Life of Stan" though unlike in previous drafts, neither is very troubled by the fact.
  • Randy Marsh is still unemployed from when he was fired by his boss and Kyle's suepsnion has only just ended, both from "Fanfiction".
  • Sharon Marsh references her knowledge of Stephen Stotch's sexuality.
  • The briefly-used original character Alex Samuels is brought back solely to be killed off as part of the plot; the author did not want to kill any South Park characters.
  • The "SOFA" internet bill from "Fanfiction" is briefly referenced; it began as a parody of the infamous 'Stop Online Piracy Act' bill.
  • Mayor McDaniels' re-election campaign is briefly referenced again.
  • The reporter Woman With a Suspicious Bulge in Her Pants returns, and it is revealed the bulge was, in fact, her cell phone. Her name is also revealed to be Laurie Jenkins.
  • Harris mentions being willing to trade one of his assistants for a Mexican - one of the author's older fics briefly had Harris' partner replaced with a Mexican man, but it was outside continuity.
  • Carol McCormick is once again mentioned as the new Kindergarten teacher at South Park Elementary school.
  • Richard Adler's position as Vice Principal, previously affirmed to explain his prominence in South Park Elementary, is again referenced.


  • Mayor McDaniels' first name is given as Maria in one chapter, contradicting a previous story that referred to her as Martha and the reveal on the official site in late 2014 that her name is Mary. The author has stated he will fix this at a later date.
  • Mitch Conner's name is spelled as Connor throughout the fanfic; it was later revealed that Conner is the official spelling.


The first draft of the fanfic You Won't Believe How It Ends was written in less than a week in November 2008 as a parody of the Saw film franchise and featured a different plot that largely re-enacted the first film. Four years later, the author revisited it by attempting a re-write from June 2012 until December 2012, which had four completed chapters and a fifth in production when he cancelled it to hand it off to NoseBridgePinch, his co-writer, who promised to complete it and felt they could do better. Only one scene was completed from this hypothetical conclusion.

In October 2013, the original author removed the second rewrite and began a third draft an cut a number of subplots including the presence of additional hostage characters (such as Red, Firkle, and Mr. Derp) additional Jigsaw cultists, some background on Kyle's family history and schooling situation, Randy's employment future and his history with Sharon, the "SOFA" internet profiling scandal, and more detail on Mayor McDaniels' re-election campaign. An attempt was also made to add more humor to the story, and almost all of the character deaths were cut, as well as the original twist ending, thus the title change.

At one point, the author held a several months' long poll on their profile asking readers if Stan and Wendy's relationship would resume and received an overwhelming response of "yes".

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