User blog:JJHero/South Park Season X

Season X is an entire, 20 episode season of South Park created by JJHero. The episodes will be uploaded at least twice a week. Also, apologies for posting this as a blog. In the past I created something similar but it was taken down as a page because no scripts were provided (I don't have the time to write multiple scripts). Anyway, enjoy the scripts!

Ep 1: The Meth Man Rises

Premise: Cuts at work cause Randy to end up on the short list for downsizing after a disastrous situation at work. Worried for his family and his 'expensive social life', Randy decides to enter a new, far more dangerous business to keep the money flowing: the drug business. But to protect himself and his family, he creates an alter-ego with a history of drug dealing: the mighty Meth Man.

Plot: Randy is sitting at his desk doing nothing. Every now and again he pushes a button on the computer. He sighs with boredom and continues doing nothing. He looks around and checks to see if anyone is coming. He turns on Happy Wheels on the computer and starts playing. However, he doesn't realise that his computer is not muted, and the sounds of violence sound, to passers-by, like the sounds made during a porn video. Eventually Randy's Boss appears in front of his computer and Randy closes the page before he can see it. His boss asks him if he is watching porn. Randy claims that he is not. Randy's Boss informs him that public masturbation is a crime. He warns him that there is downsizing in operation, and that he should watch himself. As he walks away, Randy shouts after him that he was playing Happy Wheels, but it is to no avail.

At Stan's house, Stan and the boys are playing on Stan's laptop. Cartman suggests that they go on to eBay and do some fake bids. Cartman explains that they find a useless item and bid a ridiculous amount of money on it, as someone will always outbid you. Kyle says that it is stupid, but Cartman uses a Nokia phone bidding as an example, and it works. Stan then tries by bidding one thousand dollars on a pork pie hat. Unfortunately no one outbids him and he starts panicking. He asks Cartman what to do in this situation, and Cartman shrugs and says that he's never actually tried joke bidding himself. He then leaves, and Kenny and Kyle follow, with Stan staring at the laptop in horror.

Randy sits at the barbers to have his hair groomed, but realises that he needs to start saving in case he is fired. He asks for the cheapest haircut available, and has his head shaved. Randy arrives home and waits for his family to approve of it, but Sharon tells him that it looks dumb, and goes back to cooking dinner.

Stan approaches Randy later and tells him that he is in trouble. He tells him that he owes one thousand dollars to some 'very serious people'. Randy panics and concludes that there is only one thing he can do: become a meth cook to provide for his family. Without any materials, Randy threatens Stan, saying that he will tell his mom that he didn't just 'lose' the sweater she bought him last week by accident, unless Stan steals some science lab equipment for him.

Stan is caught stealing equipment the next day in school, by Cartman. Cartman tells him that he will tattle unless he is let in on the business. Meanwhile Randy rents a warehouse to set up in, after finding it on DoneDeal.com. Randy is angered when Stan brings Cartman to their 'Fortress of Cookery'. Cartman tells him that he has contacts. Stan asks Randy how he is going to cook meth, and Randy says that he found instructions on HowStuffWorks.com.

The next day, Cartman stands on a street corner, and a Mexican man walks up to him. They engage in a long coded conversation which is ridiculously easy to crack. Cartman hands his backpack to the Mexican, who starts to walk away. Cartman pauses before chasing him ("I need the drug bag back for a minute, I left my iPad beside the meth"). The Mexican pays him and leaves.

The meth is given to a Spanish drug lord named Emilio. Emilio is disgusted by the meth, which he hates. However, since none of his men speak Spanish, they assume that he loves it and make a massive order.

Randy is thrilled by this and races to make more meth. However, Sharon intercepts him and asks him to make breakfast so that she can lie in. Randy pleads a like a child for her to do it because he 'like totally has a life'. She replies that that is no way to talk to his wife and he storms off. While in the kitchen he calls Stan, shouting at him that 'they need to cook'.

A montage then ensues of Randy and Stan cooking meth, Cartman passing it on, and Emilio getting angry that he keeps getting more of it. The montage is occasionally interrupted by silent shots of Randy cooking breakfast and sighing, before continuing the rock montage.

One month later, Randy is talking to one of his work friends about the downsizing, and realises that it was cancelled two weeks ago. Randy returns home and discovers that the money Stan owed was through an eBay bid, and he shows him how easy it is to cancel them after Stan protests that it was impossible. Randy decides to quickly quit the drug business. However, he receives a Skype message from Emilio, who says that he will destroy him on Saturday to 'end the madness' of drugs being delivered. Randy has no idea what he means, but luckily Stan speaks Spanish. Stan calls Cartman and warns him that the Mexican cartel are coming for him.

Randy dons Stan's pork pie hat and a pair of sunglasses. He buys a shotgun from Jimbo (after being forced to apply for a gun license and waiting two days to receive it). He then sits Sharon down and tells her that he may have become an enemy of the Mexican cartel as a result of his drug cooking hobby. Sharon, sick of his idiotic behaviour, tells him that she will leave for the weekend so that he can sort his sh*t out. Assuming that Randy means about the cartel problem (and not his mental situation), he swears to sort everything out over the weekend.

Randy tells Stan that he doesn't have to stay, that he can leave with his mother and sister if he wishes. Stan says 'ok' and leaves.

On Saturday, Randy is cradling his shotgun and waiting for the cartel to arrive. The doorbell rings and Randy shoots a hole through the door. Cartman is revealed to be at the door and swears at Randy for blasting his hat off. Randy apologises and writes a cheque to calm him down. The two then wait anxiously for the cartel to arrive.

After an annoying wait they arrive and ask Randy to leave his house. Randy yells at them for being late, which was rude. They start firing at the house, and Randy starts shooting back. When he runs out of bullets he starts panicking. Cartman says that he will deal with it. He steps outside and they all point their guns at him.

Cartman starts speaking Spanish to Emilio, trying to start a deal which would result in Cartman giving up Randy for his own protection. When Emilio says no, Cartman then switches to English (which Emilio doesn't understand but his men do) and promises each of them five million dollars to work for him instead. The men turn and shoot Emilio many times. Randy then steps outside and the men all bow to him. Randy laughs and calls himself the Meth Man, King of the Junkies. Cartman then pats Randy on the shoulder and mutters to him that he owes them thirty million dollars. Randy stops and says a single word to express his frustration: f*ck.