Episode 1: The Meth Man Rises
Cuts at work cause Randy to end up on the short list for downsizing after a disastrous situation at work. Worried for his family and his 'expensive social life', Randy decides to enter a new, far more dangerous business to keep the money flowing: the drug business. But to protect himself and his family, he creates an alter-ego with a history of drug dealing: the mighty Meth Man.
Randy is sitting at his desk doing nothing. Every now and again he pushes a button on the computer. He sighs with boredom and continues doing nothing. He looks around and checks to see if anyone is coming. He turns on Happy Wheels on the computer and starts playing. However, he doesn't realize that his computer is not muted, and the sounds of violence sound, to passers-by, like the sounds made during a porn video. Eventually Randy's Boss appears in front of his computer and Randy closes the page before he can see it. His boss asks him if he is watching porn. Randy claims that he is not. Randy's Boss informs him that public masturbation is a crime. He warns him that there is downsizing in operation, and that he should watch himself. As he walks away, Randy shouts after him that he was playing Happy Wheels, but it is to no avail.
At Stan's house, Stan and the boys are playing on Stan's laptop. Cartman suggests that they go on to eBay and do some fake bids. Cartman explains that they find a useless item and bid a ridiculous amount of money on it, as someone will always outbid you. Kyle says that it is stupid, but Cartman uses a Nokia phone bidding as an example, and it works. Stan then tries by bidding one thousand dollars on a pork pie hat. Unfortunately no one outbids him and he starts panicking. He asks Cartman what to do in this situation, and Cartman shrugs and says that he's never actually tried joke bidding himself. He then leaves, and Kenny and Kyle follow, with Stan staring at the laptop in horror.
Randy sits at the barbers to have his hair groomed, but realizes that he needs to start saving in case he is fired. He asks for the cheapest haircut available, and has his head shaved. Randy arrives home and waits for his family to approve of it, but Sharon tells him that it looks dumb, and goes back to cooking dinner.
Stan approaches Randy later and tells him that he is in trouble. He tells him that he owes one thousand dollars to some 'very serious people'. Randy panics and concludes that there is only one thing he can do: become a meth cook to provide for his family. Without any materials, Randy threatens Stan, saying that he will tell his mom that he didn't just 'lose' the sweater she bought him last week by accident, unless Stan steals some science lab equipment for him.
Stan is caught stealing equipment the next day in school, by Cartman. Cartman tells him that he will tattle unless he is let in on the business. Meanwhile Randy rents a warehouse to set up in, after finding it on DoneDeal.com. Randy is angered when Stan brings Cartman to their 'Fortress of Cookery'. Cartman tells him that he has contacts. Stan asks Randy how he is going to cook meth, and Randy says that he found instructions on HowStuffWorks.com.
The next day, Cartman stands on a street corner, and a Mexican man walks up to him. They engage in a long coded conversation which is ridiculously easy to crack. Cartman hands his backpack to the Mexican, who starts to walk away. Cartman pauses before chasing him ("I need the drug bag back for a minute, I left my iPad beside the meth"). The Mexican pays him and leaves.
The meth is given to a Spanish drug lord named Emilio. Emilio is disgusted by the meth, which he hates. However, since none of his men speak Spanish, they assume that he loves it and make a massive order.
Randy is thrilled by this and races to make more meth. However, Sharon intercepts him and asks him to make breakfast so that she can lie in. Randy pleads a like a child for her to do it because he 'like totally has a life'. She replies that that is no way to talk to his wife and he storms off. While in the kitchen he calls Stan, shouting at him that 'they need to cook'.
A montage then ensues of Randy and Stan cooking meth, Cartman passing it on, and Emilio getting angry that he keeps getting more of it. The montage is occasionally interrupted by silent shots of Randy cooking breakfast and sighing, before continuing the rock montage.
One month later, Randy is talking to one of his work friends about the downsizing, and realizes that it was cancelled two weeks ago. Randy returns home and discovers that the money Stan owed was through an eBay bid, and he shows him how easy it is to cancel them after Stan protests that it was impossible. Randy decides to quickly quit the drug business. However, he receives a Skype message from Emilio, who says that he will destroy him on Saturday to 'end the madness' of drugs being delivered. Randy has no idea what he means, but luckily Stan speaks Spanish. Stan calls Cartman and warns him that the Mexican cartel are coming for him.
Randy dons Stan's pork pie hat and a pair of sunglasses. He buys a shotgun from Jimbo (after being forced to apply for a gun license and waiting two days to receive it). He then sits Sharon down and tells her that he may have become an enemy of the Mexican cartel as a result of his drug cooking hobby. Sharon, sick of his idiotic behavior, tells him that she will leave for the weekend so that he can sort his sh*t out. Assuming that Randy means about the cartel problem (and not his mental situation), he swears to sort everything out over the weekend.
Randy tells Stan that he doesn't have to stay, that he can leave with his mother and sister if he wishes. Stan says 'ok' and leaves.
On Saturday, Randy is cradling his shotgun and waiting for the cartel to arrive. The doorbell rings and Randy shoots a hole through the door. Cartman is revealed to be at the door and swears at Randy for blasting his hat off. Randy apologizes and writes a cheque to calm him down. The two then wait anxiously for the cartel to arrive.
After a very long wait they arrive and ask Randy to leave his house. Randy yells at them for being late, which he says was very rude. They start firing at the house, and Randy starts shooting back. When he runs out of bullets he starts panicking. Cartman says that he will deal with it. He steps outside and they all point their guns at him.
Cartman starts speaking Spanish to Emilio, trying to start a deal which would result in Cartman giving up Randy for his own protection. When Emilio says no, Cartman then switches to English (which Emilio doesn't understand but his men do) and promises each of them five million dollars to work for him instead. The men turn and shoot Emilio many times. Randy then steps outside and the men all bow to him. Randy laughs and calls himself the Meth Man, King of the Junkies. Cartman then pats Randy on the shoulder and mutters to him that he owes them thirty million dollars. Randy stops and says a single word to express his frustration: f*ck.
Episode 2: Oculus Drifters
The boys use a virtual reality machine to play Minecraft, but when an evil plot as old as time is set in motion, only Kenny and Cartman are left to battle an army of video game zombie slaves. Meanwhile Butters goes to see a therapist.
The boys are in the school cafeteria eating when Cartman sprints up, panting. He explains that 'they' have finally released the Oculus Drift, a high end virtual simulator that let's people go inside video games. The boys don't look impressed, and Stan asks who exactly 'they' are. Cartman shrugs and says that they are just 'the people who make stuff', and asks who actually knows that kind of sh*t anyway. Cartman says that it is too bad that they are all sold out in the shops, before revealing that he bought the last one, and for the first time ever is not the one left out. Kyle points out that since no one else has one then he still is the odd one out. Cartman replies that he doesn't understand because he is 'a stupid Jew'. Stan then counter reveals that they all pre-ordered Oculus Drft's already, and therefore can go collect them at any time. Cartman goes quiet, before walking away. Once he thinks that he is out of earshot (but he isn't) he starts swearing loudly and very inappropriately ('son of a black Jew f*cking sh*t stained tampon' being an example).
Cartman arrives home in a sulk, storming up to his room. He unwraps his Oculus Drift eagerly, only to learn that it is in the shape of a 'T' (or a large dick in his opinion). He puts it on anyway, and it covers his face. He starts playing 'Minecraft' on his Oculus Drift, making him look like an idiot, walking around his room and hitting things with his arm in real life. He yells that it is awesome.
The next day the four boys arrive at the bus stop, with all of them wearing Oculus Drifts on their heads (apart from Kenny, who is too poor and is mocked by Cartman). Kyle brags that his 'Drifter' (the nickname) has Bluetooth, and Cartman asks him who the f*ck even has Bluetooth anymore. On the bus, everyone is playing with their 'Drifters' apart from Kenny and Butters. Butters claims that he asked his mother for a 'Drifter' and she sent him to therapy, so he reckons she must be going Amish.
At Google HQ, the top 'Googlers' from around the world meet to talk about expanding the empire past just a search engine. One employee points out that the phone market is open. Another explains that they have a phone brand, but it is 'sh*t as f*ck'. The first ever user of Google ('The User') points out that the Oculus Drift is a moderate success. Having not had a moderate success ever, they decide to build their own virtual reality device: the Google Glass.
The next day Stan and Kyle are walking through town, and they see Google Glasses being sold in town. They decide to dump their 'Drifters' and start experimenting with 'Glass' instead. At the school cafeteria, it is revealed that half of the boys are wearing Drifters, and half of them have Glass (with Kenny and Butters being neutral). A rift is instantly split between the two clans.
In class, Mr Garrison asks Cartman a question about history, and he asks Mr Garrison to wait a second so that he can load Wikipedia up on his Drifter. Mr Garrison grabs Cartman's penis-shaped Drifter and starts trying to pull it off (from the balls), leading to an awkward looking image. Eventually Mr Garrison manages to confiscate it, and Cartman sits back in his seat, threatening to sue him, since you can be sued for anything nowadays apparently.
Later, Butters enters therapy, and his therapist asks him where he found his Drifter (believing him to be a pervert, not a device). Butters says that he found him at that retro indie store beside the forest. The therapist asks Butters what he does with his Drifter, and Butters says that they play games mostly. He says that when he gets good scores (in the computer games he means) he gets to go on top (of the leaderboards, but he doesn't say this). The therapist states at him in shock, and he smiles innocently.
On the bus the next day, Cartman rants to Kenny about how he is going to sue 'the ass off of' Mr Garrison. He tells him that it will be just like 'that whole Rihanna thing, but more people will give a sh*t'. He looks around at all of the VR kids and says that they are all 'Dickheads' and 'Glassholes' anyway.
In a far away land, two hooded people watch the Drifters and Google Glasses in action on screens, and decide that the time is right. One of them pulls a lever and a virus is sent around the world.
Suddenly all of the 'Dickheads' and 'Glassholes' devices start turning red, and one little girl with Google Glasses pulls out a comb and uses it to slit the bus driver's neck, causing blood to spray everywhere. The VR kids start chanting 'destroy everything' and the bus skids off of a hill. Cartman and Kenny climb out of the wreckage and run away.
In therapy, Butters keeps describing what he did with his Drifter (unaware that he is making it sound like they are having sex). The therapist asks if he could describe the Drifter, and it is revealed that several police officers are hiding nearby and drawing sketches. The eventual picture they draw is of a man with a penis for a head.
Meanwhile Cartman and Kenny run from the VR Zombies, but DogPoo (who is a Drifter) draws a gun and starts shooting at them. Kenny tackles him and they start wrestling, and after he knocks him out, Cartman picks up the gun and shouts out that he defeated DogPoo. However, the pair are surrounded and are knocked out.
They are taken to the heart of all infiltration technology: Microsoft. Here, Bill Gates asks Cartman and Kenny why they weren't wearing the technology (which is disclosed might be illegal), and they explain their reasons. Bill Gates sighs, and says that they know too much. He draws a gun and prepares to shoot them, but Cartman draws DogPoo's gun and shoots Bill Gates' penis off. It is revealed to be small and floppy (like Micro-Soft). They start running, but Kyle (a Glasshole) blocks their path. Cartman aims and prepares to shoot, making a monologue about finally killing his nemesis, but Kenny snatches the gun off of him. The two continue running (they walk around Kyle), and eventually make it to the master control room. Cartman finds the lever that will shut down all Drifters and Google Glasses,but is shot at by Bill Gates, who is clutching his dick in one hand. Cartman apologizes, stating that the Xbox One was 'pretty sweet' but that his reign of terror has come to an end. He pulls the lever and all of the Drifters and Glasses switch off permanently.
Back in South Park, Butters revisits his therapist and tells him that his Drifter died. The therapist asks what of, and he says that he thinks it was a virus. The therapist contacts Linda and Stephen Stotch, suggesting that they send Butter to be tested for every major STD found in this part of the world. Butters asks his mother where they are going, and Stephen tells him that they are going back to the doctor who helped fix his penis. Butters replies that that guy was very nice and gave him ice cream.
The boys all sit in Cartman's house in silence. Kyle asks 'what's next' and Cartman replies that maybe they should play with his Kinect Motion Sensor, developed by Microsoft. They all agree and Stan asks 'what could go wrong'.
Episode 3: Path to Europe ft Skrillex
Cartman hears that the new iPod Ultimate is only being released in Germany, so he and Butters take a plane across the Ocean. Unfortunately, a misunderstanding in the sky causes the plane to go down in France. Can these two boys, against the odds, backpack through Europe and get a new iPod? Probably not.
We start with an advertisement for the iPod Ultimate on a television. The image is of an old lady listening to Beethoven on an iPod Touch. A commentator points out that if you have an iPod Touch, you are just like everyone else, since everyone has an iPod Touch now. The commentator says that if you want to be cooler than all of your friends, then you need an iPod Ultimate. The features include: no more classical music, with Skrillex 'music' already built into them (since everyone obviously loves Skrillex), and the old lady on the TV starts raving. The iPod Ultimate is then revealed to have an added 200 MB more data space than the previous iPod. It is announced that it is coming first to Germany today.
Cartman is revealed to be watching the TV blankly. When the advert ends he says one word: 'sweeeeet'.
The next day at school, everyone is talking about the iPod Ultimate in school, even Mr Garrison, who starts laughing at a little girl with an iPod Nano ('now that's just sad...'). Cartman tells everyone that according to Apple.com, the iPod Ultimate is coming to Colorado next week. All of the kids cheer.
In Hollywood, Skrillex arrives by plane to star in a movie about his life: 'Scratch Chalkboards - Get Rich'. However, upon arriving, his agent tells him that his movie has been denied, since no one really likes him or his music, and only pretend they do because it's 'cool to be a faker' nowadays. Skrillex calls them all shits and says that he would cut off his penis to please his fans. His agent says that that is very weird, but when he turns to look, Skrillex is gone. The agent pulls out his phone and calls the FBI, warning them that their is a 'Dubstep Emo loose in LA'. The FBI Agent who answers his call says that he'll be right over with a SWAT Team.
Liane Cartman awakens the next morning and calls her son to wake up, only to hear that he is crying. Liane calls him and tries to comfort him, saying that his penis will get bigger with time. Cartman shouts that that isn't why he is crying, and that his penis is massive anyway. Cartman then explains to his mother that Obama isn't allowing Apple to sell the iPod Ultimate in the USA, and as a result Apple have stopped making them. Liane asks if there is anything she can do, and Cartman tells her that they are still selling the remaining iPods in Germany, but that they will run out soon so she should book tickets fast. Liane laughs, pats her son on the head and walks away as he keeps crying.
At a school assembly, Principal Victoria announces that Eric Cartman has written a poem about his life today that he would like to read out. In the poem, Cartman explains his misery about the iPod, and the 'thriving Jewish community'. He pulls a gun to his head but the Principal runs out and grabs the gun before dragging him away. Kyle asks where the hell Cartman got the gun from.
When Cartman is eventually released from the Principal's Office, Butters is waiting to comfort him. He makes a speech about how life can always get better and Cartman tells him to 'shut the hell up'. Butters says that he had enough money for two iPods, so it is a shame that they were never released. Cartman thinks for a moment before telling Butters that if he wants to be popular, he needs an iPod Ultimate. He starts manipulating Butters and convinces him to go to Germany and get two iPods. Butters reluctantly agrees, after Cartman says that his parents will be so impressed that they won't be able to ground him.
In LA, Skrillex is shown is shown performing a new song for a crowd, who chant and cheer, despite all hating it and begging Skrillex to make it stop, adding to the hypnotic power of Dubstep. A SWAT Helicopter arrives and warns Skrillex to take his hands off of the circuit board. Skrillex shouts at them, claiming that he just wants to make music and make people happy. The SWAT Team say that they don't want to have to shoot him, and Skrillex says that if they do, it will be an emotional roller coaster of deep metaphors. One of the civilians breaks down after this, shouting that he can't take it anymore, and pulls out a gun, shooting at Skrillex. Skrillex is shot, but instead of dying, he transforms into Death, revealing that he has been spreading his depressing existence across the world in an attempt to find someone who actually cares about his music. He then teleports away.
Cartman and Butters board a plane to Germany. However, during the flight Butters starts listening to Dubstep music, which he actually likes, causing half of the passengers (and the pilot) to kill themselves. The plane then crashes, but Cartman and Butters are rescued by Skrillex/Death, who materializes and rescues them. He says to Butters that he has found the one true spirit who understands them. He says that he will take them to Germany.
The trio start walking across France, but another SWAT Helicopter arrives and starts shooting at them. Skrillex carries the two boys and leaps across the border into Germany, where an Apple Store stands, waiting for them. The two boys enter, but Butters decides that he doesn't need a new iPod to be popular, claiming that by being himself, he will eventually make friends (like Skrillex). He then walks out with his money and Cartman falls to his knees, screaming. Outside, Skrillex starts firing Dubstep rays at the helicopter, which only makes them angrier. They fire a missile at Skrillex, Butters jumps in the way, killing him (and burning his money). Skrillex then cries and unleashes his greatest power: Pure Dubstep. Beams of such a depressing nature that they disintegrate the helicopter. Skrillex then cradles Butters body, and sacrifices himself to bring Butters back to life. The police arrive and ask Butters where he is from. He says that he is from the earth, the sky and the sea, as all of them are life (Skrillex lives inside of him). One of the police officers asks if he can shoot the kid.
Back in South Park, Cartman performs at another school assembly, writing another depressing poem and trying to kill himself. This time however, he shoots Butters before the gun is taken off of him, sulking about his change of heart. Butters looks down and sees a bullet hole through his chest. However Dubstep energy forms around it and it heals. Butters giggles and says that 'it tickles', while everyone stares at him.
Ep 4: Women With Balls
The boys make a soccer team and become obsessed with played Fifa (the game), instead of practicing. But when they start losing online games and with a lot of money on the line, the girls volunteer to play as part of a feminism act. Can the boys sacrifice their pride and let the girls save them?