One of the Girls
Fanfic Information
Series Threadbare South Park
Author ThreadbareSP
Genre Humor/Romance
Rating T
Written January 2, 2012
No. of Chapters 5
Completed January 5, 2012
Status Complete
Link One of the Girls
Warnings Language
Series Chronology
Girl Scout Cookies One of the Girls Dating: It's a Process
Fic Chronology
Butters' Very Own Stories One of the Girls Mysterion Saves the Day

One of the Girls is a short fanfiction written and published on FanFiction.Net by ThreadbareSP. Unlike most of her fanfictions, which are written as scripts, "One of the Girls" is written as a narrative. However, the story is written in the third-person present tense, and it is does not focus on any specific character's perspective or give insights as to how characters feel in different situations; instead, readers are told how the characters "look" like they feel.

The premise of a significant subplot of this story is derived from South Park episode "The List."


After Charlie Pierzynski is ranked last on the list of the prettiest fourth grade girls, it seems too good to be true when the popular girls offer to give her a makeover. Meanwhile, Kyle tries to muster up the courage to ask a certain girl to the Martin Luther King Day dance.


The story opens with a scene at the fourth grade talent show. Charlie sings the song "Home on the Range" while playing the ukulele. After the show, the girls compliment each other's performances. Charlie pipes in with a compliment for Wendy. The other girls roll their eyes at her.

That day at lunch, Bebe and Lola rush into the cafeteria, announcing that "the List" is finished. The rest of the fourth grade girls rush out of the cafeteria. Charlie overhears some of them talking and deduces that the List ranks the girls from prettiest to ugliest. Kyle advises her not to look at the List; he knows all too well the damage it can cause. Despite Kyle's warnings, Charlie succumbs to the temptation to view the List, which, in order, is Bebe, Lola, Wendy, Red, Jessie, Sally, Nelly, Heidi, Emily, Kal, Millie, Esther, Jenny, Tammy, Lizzy, Annie, and, in last place, Charlie. Charlie seems to be affected by this, and she stares at herself in the mirror before trudging sadly back to class.

In class, Mr. Garrison announces that there will be a Martin Luther King Day dance that Friday, which Token will be organizing. (Token, who never volunteered for this job, is surprised. Although it isn't directly stated, it is implied that Token was chosen because he is black.)

Several of the girls, seeing Charlie's demeanor, whisper about her being last on the List. Kyle overhears them.

After school that day, Kyle visits Stan and asks if it would be "weird" if he took Charlie to the dance. Kyle comments that she seemed very upset about the List and that it might cheer her up. Stan believes that, yes, it would be weird, since Charlie is Stan's foster sister and their friend. He also says that if Kyle wants to go to the dance with someone, he should set his sights higher than Charlie, who was apparently voted the least popular girl in the grade as well as the least attractive. Kyle is indignant about this. Stan ultimately gives him the go-ahead, but requests to be left out of the whole thing, saying he doesn't want to be there when it "gets weird."

The next day, Charlie walks to the bus stop with her hood up, similar to Kenny's. She implies that she is doing this to hide her ugliness. At lunch that day, Kyle tries to steer the conversation in a direction so that he can ask Charlie to the dance. Stan mentions that he is going with Wendy, prompting Cartman, Kenny, and Charlie to agree that taking dates to dances is "gay". Stan, annoyed, leaves, and is followed shortly after by Kenny and Cartman (who teases Kyle and Charlie, accusing them of being a couple). Kyle, unnerved by Charlie's low opinion of taking dates to dances, instead invites her to go to his house after school. At Kyle's house, the two briefly play "detective," solving a the case of a murdered and dismembered woman. Kyle again acts as if he is going to ask Charlie, but he changes his mind.

After school on Thursday, Charlie is approached by Bebe, Lola, Red, Kal, Heidi, and Millie, who offer to give her a makeover. She meets them at an Old Navy at the mall, where the girls, knowing that Charlie knows nothing about fashion, purposefully pick out ugly clothes for her to wear to the dance. Charlie comes to believe that they are her new friends.

After the girls help her pick new clothes for the dance, Charlie visits Kyle's house to tell him what has happened. Ike opens the door and lets her in, and Charlie is surprised to see Kyle without his hat on for the first time; Sheila Broflovski holds the hat, inspecting it for some reason. Either out of surprise or because thinks his hair looks funny, she starts to giggle. Kyle is embarrassed and demands his mother return his hat, to which Sheila replies, "I have to finish checking for lice." Kyle runs out of the room in embarrassment, and Sheila makes several embarrassing speculations as to what might be upsetting him.

The next day at the bus stop, Charlie announces that she is now "one of the girls" as she plans to hang out at the dance with the popular fourth grade girls. The boys find the girls' sudden change in heart suspicious, but Charlie refuses to believe they have anything but the best of intentions.

The evening of the dance, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman arrive at the Marsh house to take Charlie to the dance so that Stan and Wendy can go by themselves. Kenny tells Charlie that he plans to "kick those whores' [the poplar girls] asses" if they're planning anything mean. Kenny says he's defensive of Charlie because "[she] might be a dumb bitch sometimes, but, dammit, [she's] our dumb bitch!"

Meanwhile, Cartman is excited to see what Token has planned for the dance, expecting it to be an apex of trendy black culture. He's disappointed when, upon arriving, it's just a normal dance. He expresses this disappointment to Token in a somewhat racist way, and Token, who was already irritated about being forced to plan the dance, charges after him.

Charlie, dressed in the clothes the girls picked out for her, joins her new "friends." They are discussing the boys who asked them to the dance (and whom they ultimately rejected). They ask Charlie who asked her (knowing she probably wasn't invited at all) and she lies, saying Kevin (Stoley) asked her. Kevin, unfortunately, is close enough to hear and deny this. Charlie quickly explains that she was referring to Kevin McCormick, Kenny's older brother. The girls all seem to think Kevin McCormick is quite attractive, but doubt that Charlie is being truthful. She soon admits that she wasn't asked by anyone.

After a short while, the girls suggest that Charlie go dance by herself, telling her that it is perfectly normal. While Charlie dances, Butters approaches her and they dance "next to" each other while the girls take pictures with Lola's cell phone. Kyle, who has been watching, approaches Charlie and insists that the girls are simply making fun of her. Charlie still doesn't believe him until the girls show her the pictures they've been taking and sending out. The girls explain that they were "bored" so they decided to give her a bad makeover. Bebe tells her that she and the dress she's wearing are both ugly, and reminds her of her place on the List.

Kyle, who had heard everything along with Kenny and Butters, confronts the girls and condemns their behavior. The girls insist that it was just a harmless joke, but Kyle disagrees. He asks them why they would call Charlie ugly, and Bebe says that they say it because it's true. Kyle cusses them out and pulls Charlie away from the dance and out of the school.

Outside, Charlie cries a little and expresses her humiliation. After Kyle makes a comment implying that he thinks she is pretty, Charlie kisses him quickly on the lips. While Charlie seems surprised with herself, even apologizing, the two both begin to act happier afterwards, although they both act quite shy. Charlie apologizes for making fun of Kyle's hair, and she says she thinks it is "very nice." They decide to go back to Kyle's house to play Xbox, and as they walk away, they begin to hold hands. Charlie starts to sing "Home on the Range," and Kyle joins in.

At the Broflovski house, they play Xbox. Charlie continues to wear the ugly dress, and Kyle doesn't wear his hat. Stan arrives and asks Charlie if she's okay. Charlie, who seems to have forgotten all about the girls' trick, says she's just fine and that she doesn't care what the girls think, since they're "total hoes." Cartman enters the house and immediately senses that something happened between Kyle and Charlie and proceeds to tease them about it, but it doesn't seem to bother them.

In the short fifth chapter entitled "Kenny's Revenge," Bebe is thrilled to have received a text from Kevin McCormick, who invites her to join him "behind the 7-11." Not seeing anything suspicious about this, Bebe leaves the dance and goes to the appointed meeting spot. Just as she begins to get nervous about the situation, Kevin shows up. At that moment, someone pours several gallons of lime green dye off of the roof of the convenience store. Bebe is mortified. Kevin is confused, saying he received a text that he'd get five dollars if he showed up at the location. Just then, a shadowy figure darts by and drops a five dollar bill at Kevin's feet. Kevin takes it and happily walks away, leaving Bebe horrified and enraged.

The manager of the 7-11 heard the raucous and sees Bebe covered in dye. He comments that she has a lot of work to do, seeing as she painted both the wall and herself. He gives her a bucket and sponge. Bebe turns around and sees that, on the back wall of the 7-11, in the same shade of green as the dye, someone has painted a massive green question mark. Though it isn't directly stated, it is implied that, through Mysterion, Kenny made good on his earlier promise.

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