every garrison everywhere all at once
mr. garrison has a gun as part of an armed teacher trial program, and it makes him super anxious and paranoid. in the middle of class he starts going schizophrenic, and mr. hat tells him to do random stuff which leads into a parody of "everything everywhere all at once" where garrison is taken to alternate timelines where he's still president, still a woman, married to mr. slave, or still pretending to be straight, etc. and meanwhile the kids are freaking out from all his erratic behavior and call the cops. and then the cops just act like the uvalde cops and stay in the hallway, and just keep asking for more equipment. by the end mr. garrison somehow stops an actual school shooting attempt he learns about through his multiverse visions.
randysaurus
after discovering a dinosaur fossil on his property, randy becomes a paleontologist. he wants to name his find the randysaurus, but the fossil turns out to be of an already named species. but then he discovers a loophole where if he can show that the previous fossils of the species were faked, the naming rights will go to him. meanwhile stan has to go on digs with him, then has to do tours for the new tegridy natural history museum where he has to deal with stupid questions, creationists, and kids trying to touch stuff. eventually all the popular dinosaurs are exposed as being based off of fake plastic fossils, and just as quickly, randy is discovering real fossils of new species that happen to be identical to the 'fake' ones. stan begins to have doubts about if dinosaurs are even real, but eventually discovers a secret backroom with a 3d printer and countless stolen fossils. he confronts randy about it, but just then a freak earthquake collapses the museum, destroying all the fossils.
roe pee filleted
the boys are swimming at stark's pond. kyle makes them promise not to pee in the lake while he's there. cartman says no one would be dumb enough to do that because there's a tiny fish there that swims up the urethra of anyone who does. no one believes him, but stan finds out the hard way that he was telling the truth. stan can't let kyle know he peed, so he quietly goes to cartman for help, and the two of them go to the hospital where stan is told that it's an endangered species, and his penis will need to be horrifically mutilated so that they can get the fish out in one piece. stan and cartman escape and go to jimbo who tells them they need to go to another country where no one cares about endangered species (probably brazil). from there, it's a 'frodo and sam' story of them trying to get to this hospital and run away from wildlife protection agents, as stan slowly gains more compassion for the fish, and cartman tries to prove that he's a better best friend than kyle. meanwhile, jimbo leads redneck protests to get the fish removed from the endangered species list, where they chant something like "my penis, my choice".
butters goes bald
butters turns out to have alopecia, and that's why he has so little hair. more of it falls out, and he finally decides to shave the rest off. everyone notices, and this makes him really insecure. dougie tries to help him by slapping the crap out of anyone who makes jokes about him, laughs, or suggests that he just wear a hat. pc principle allows dougie to terrorize the school, and everyone is intimidated into not making fun of him or butters. butters and dougie then get awarded with trophies for their bravery. meanwhile jimmy is one of the first to get slapped, and due to the perceived martyrdom, his comedy show gets a lot more popular, and he's invited onto comedy podcasts where he's encouraged to make more jokes about butters. eventually he goes on the joe rogan show, and he tries making fun of rogan instead. this leads to rogan being suddenly really offended and challenging him to a fight. he ends up winning by being so bad that rogan can't stop laughing at him. this causes jimmy to realize the effectiveness of slapstick, and he goes back to challenge dougie to a fight, where he's able to reframe dougie's violence as physical comedy, and butters' stupid look as intentional to give people something to laugh at.
background noise
a whole bunch of crazy stuff happens with all the main cast, celebrities, crab people, aliens, cartman leading a neo-fascist revolution, kenny dying heroically, stan and wendy getting back together, but never mind all that because it's just happening in the background. the actual story is just dogpoo, brimmy, and some other background kids having a series of very mundane, slightly philosophical, 'charlie brown' style conversations. they talk about mediocrity, and discuss strategies of how to get noticed, and whether or not it's important to get noticed. at one point mintberry crunch can show up to fight in the background, but then comes over to add his opinion to this much more important conversation. by the end, the slaves are freed, and the robots are defeated (or whatever), and dogpoo and brimmy decide they're perfectly content to not be in the foreground.
captain diabetes vs professor chaos
this would be kinda like "good times with weapons" but comic book style, but then the whole town sees this and thinks it's real, and gets really invested in it, kinda like in "wtf". but then scott starts saying moral platitudes that come across as political, and this leads to half the audience starting to root for professor chaos instead. butters then tries saying things that he thinks are unequivocally evil, but this just makes his fan base start supporting those things as well. this makes butters and scott confused, but they continue anyway. just as scott is about to win, he notices the rage building in the audience, and decides to give butters the win this time instead. professor chaos then electrocutes captain diabetes to death, and the crowd starts rioting as people try to avenge their hero's death. scott tries to calm them down by showing that he's still alive, but the pro-chaos side just kidnaps him and takes him to jail, and takes butters to city hall where they declare him ruler of the world. now butters has to navigate around his own cultist followers to save scott and restore order, but his followers become convinced that his change in personality is brought on by a mind control thing that captain diabetes used on him during their fight. scott is rescued by his deranged followers and is forced to go fight butters again. they each realize that they need to stay in-character and fight in order to reach an outcome that makes both sides happy.
@ObjectOverblast2017
